How to write a eulogy: a gentle, practical guide

If you're reading this, you've probably been asked to speak at the hardest kind of gathering. Knowing how to write a eulogy doesn't make the loss smaller, but it does make the task in front of you manageable. Here's a structure that works, and some honest advice for the day.

You're not writing a biography

A eulogy isn't a list of dates and jobs. It's three to five minutes that help a room remember the person truthfully and together. Aim for 500 to 700 words. Shorter and heartfelt always beats long and complete.

A structure you can lean on

1. Open with one true thing. A sentence that captures them: a habit, a phrase they always said, the way they answered the phone. 2. Tell two or three small stories. Not achievements, moments. The caravan holiday that went wrong. The advice they gave everyone. The thing they did every Sunday without fail. Small stories carry the person better than big claims. 3. Say what they gave the people in the room. Name the roles that mattered: mother, brother, friend who always turned up. 4. Close by looking forward. One line about what you'll all carry on: the recipe, the kindness, the season ticket.

Gather more voices than your own

You don't have to rely on your memory alone. Ask family and friends for one story or one sentence each; a tribute wall on a memorial page collects them in writing, in their own words, and the best lines often come from unexpected people. Reading three voices aloud also takes pressure off yours.

Practical advice for the day

• Write it out in full and print it large. Don't trust bullet points under emotion.
• Read it aloud twice beforehand. You'll find the sentences that need shortening.
• It's fine to cry. Pause, breathe, carry on. Nobody in that room is judging you.
• Hand a copy to someone who'll step in if you can't continue. Knowing the safety net exists usually means you won't need it.

If the page stays blank

Staring at nothing is normal. Start by writing the worst version, just facts and fragments, then improve it. If you're truly stuck, LimeMoment's tribute writer can draft a starting point from your notes about the person, which you then make your own. However you get there, the only real rule for how to write a eulogy is this: say true things, with love, and sit down. That's the whole job, and you'll do it better than you think.